Conflict and Communication

P S Giblin Suzanne Photo Directory 2011 Web
Sister Suzanne Giblin, CSJ

In times of division, the Sisters of St. Joseph work to foster the gospel of loving unity. In these divisive times, we may find that we don’t have the words to peacefully resolve our conflicts with others. In this interview, Sister Suzanne Giblin offers us some communication skills to help us discover the loving unity that exists amid our differences.

How do I remain open to what people are saying when I disagree with them?
Be sensitive so that when you are in a conversation with someone and think, “They’re not with me at all,” you don’t cut them off and close the door. Look for what piece of the truth is in them that doesn’t match your piece. We each have a piece of the truth and none of us has the whole truth. If we can put those pieces together like a puzzle, then “together, we are more.”  It’s an intentional staying open.

What are some ways we can respond that keep the door open?
We can create a safe environment that allows people to express their truth and be comfortable enough to let go and be influenced by another’s truth. To do so, you may offer a response like, “I’m in a different place; however, I want to hear more about why you think that.” I don’t let go of my belief or conviction. I stay faithful to my own truth, but I express it in a way that connects rather than divides.

How do we close the door, intentionally or unintentionally?
Oftentimes, it’s hurt that shuts us down. Where do I go in order to be in loving unity with a person even though I know we are miles apart, and I really have to forgive them in how much I have been hurt.

Asking yourself a simple question like, “Why is that bothering me so much,” can help you become aware and merciful to those places of pain or growth in yourself. Probably the greatest teacher is our painful moments.

How can we use our painful experiences to unify instead of divide?
When I’m aware of my pain, immediately I have a connection with you and your pain. If I know that in my experience, then I have a bridge to know that in you. Sometimes we just need to hold somebody’s hand and walk with them. Not to save them, not to fix it, just to be with them to say, "I wish I could take away your pain and fix it, but I am not able to do that. I'd like to just be with you in it, if that's okay."

How can we become better at this type of communication?
It’s a practice. A component of 12-step programs is acting yourself into a new way of being. It may be very uncomfortable at first, but you don’t do it because it’s comfortable. You do it because it brings out the best part of you.

How does this approach to communication bring out the best in others as well?
The goal is to empower people to discover the richness of themselves and how loved we are with all that we are. What greater gift can we give?

S. Suzanne is an official curriculum trainer for “That All May Be One,” a cultural diversity and conflict management program developed by an international team of Sisters of St. Joseph through a generous grant from the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation.

S. Suzanne and Associate Cathy Hart will be presenting the program on Sat. Feb. 23 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the motherhouse. Click here for more information.